Hey Strangers!

I'm writing this post from my room in my Mom and Daddy Bill's house. I got here Monday and have had a such a great time so far. Me and my Mom have always had such a special relationship. We can talk about really deep stuff one minute and then laughing so hard my stomach hurts the next. I love it so much. God has blessed me with this trip so much. It also makes me appreciate my family a lot. So now onto the real reason for this post.

I have struggled for a long time with the Lord. I have been angry, bitter, resentful, and blaming God for everything that has been going wrong in my life. I had no joy and I couldn't enjoy my kids or Derek. I was miserable couldn't understand why I couldn't hear Him or why He wouldn't come to me. Then last Friday I went to a worship type service with Melissa and her family. Let me tell you it was a life changer. During a song a couple of people went down to the front and were kneeling. God was like "Go Down There". I heard Him so clearly. I of course told Him I was good where I was and that I didn't need to go down there. Then He said "GO DOWN THERE!" I knew I had to go so I did. On the way down I felt every weight and brick that I had been carrying around with me fall away. I started sobbing before I got down there. I kneeled there and felt God for the first time in a very long time. While I was down there several things occurred to me. I had been ignoring His voice. I wasn't coming to Him. I was sinning. I was holding onto all the crap from when Derek was sick and the subsequent events. It was all ME!! As I kneeled there and humbled myself before my Heavenly Father I felt peace like I've never felt in my life. He poured over me and cleansed me. I put everything at His feet and when I walked away I left it there. Not to say I won't try to pick it up from time to time, but now I know where all of that crap truly belongs. I absolutely adore my God.

He is Love. He is Peace. He is Grace. He is forgiveness. He is my Refuge. He comes FIRST.

Here are some of my favorite verses"

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

² Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12: 1 &2