My Struggles In Perspective

I'm going to warn you now this post is going to contain a disturbing news article I read. I couldn't stop thinking about these people. If you don't want to read then go ahead and exit now.


On Saturday I kind of freaked out. I'm feeling very stressed lately. I think it's mostly because of the changes that are coming up. I'm starting school which is scary in and of itself, but Alexander and Ashley are starting kindergarten and Griz is starting pre-school. Derek's job is so-so and my house is dirtier than I'd like. I feel like things are changing so fast and I can't keep up. I was talking to Derek Saturday night about how scared I am to "settle in" here. Here being this house, Butte, our church etc. It seems that every time I do God whisks us away somewhere else. I have, it's a shame to admit this, put God on the back burner so to speak. I still pray and read, but I'm holding back from Him because of how scared I am. Scared of someone else in my family getting sick or dying, moving, losing my dog etc. I read a great post from a blog friend over at hishealinggrace (just click). She was talking about her marriage and the pains that come with it. Then she said that only 10% of her marriage is like that. She went on to explain the other 90% and how wonderful her husband is. It was so awesome! I'm letting worry and fear dictate my life right now. I'm wasting precious moments with my Lord and my family because something might happen. Not cool, not cool at all. 


"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 
~2 Timothy 1:7 


This news article I read really put the things I struggle with in perspective. I think it's important to know what goes on outside of this bubble we call the USA. Ahmedhashim Mawlid Abdi is a Somalian refugee. He is a 40 year old father of seven who had to leave Somalia because of famine and violence. On his way to the world's largest refugee camp in Dadaab, Kenya he had to watch while militants raped his pregnant wife and before he could get to safety his 7 year old died of hunger, disease, and exhaustion. This story affected me so profoundly. This man and his family have been through so much and it's not over. They left their home, they have no food, and their lives are in danger daily. 


My thoughts after my mini-meltdown when I remembered this man and his family were: At least I can go to school. At least I have a home. If I'm out of food I drive to the store and buy some more. If my kids are sick I take them to the doctor. My water is clean. I don't worry about militants raping or attacking when I leave my house. Instead of looking at the negative in my life I choose to look at the 90% that is positive. I choose to look at God's blessings instead of what I perceive as the lack of blessings. 


Please pray for this family and all the family's affected by the famine and violence in Somalia. Please pray for the refugee camp in Dadaab, Kenya.

I Know It's Been A While

I've been struggling lately. The funny thing is that I can't exactly pin point what I'm struggling with.

I feel inadequate when it comes to motherhood and being a wife. I've been so irritable. That isn't like me. I truly enjoy being home with my children, but lately everything they do gets on my nerves. I find myself yelling at them and just writing this makes me want to cry. My precious children trust me and love me. I've been so selfish. I think that's part of the reason I haven't posted in so long-I'm embarrassed.

I truly don't know what is wrong. I try to pray and read, but I feel like I'm talking to a wall. It is so difficult. I just thought I'd share my struggles from the past few weeks.

My Secret Struggle Is Not So Secret Anymore

It's not a secret anymore because I am going to share it with you. I'm going to share because I would like lots of feedback.

I struggle with my devotions. Oh how I want them. Oh how I long to have that wonderful intimate time with my Lord to be revitalized and nourished. But every time I sit down I don't know what to do. I pray and then just sit there.

Do you guys have any devotional books that you use? This is weighing heavy on my heart. I would appreciate any tips or suggestions you may have.

Thanks and God bless!