I Hate The Why

Do you ever wonder why? Why God has you going through what you're going through? Why He's silent when you need Him? Why in the midst of all of it you feel crushed by the weight of your tears? Why don't you have more money? Why I've been in one endless trial since birth? Why can't He just take me to Heaven?

I have the questions, but no real answers. I'm sure it's a learning lesson. I'm sure it's to bring me closer to Him. I'm sure it's to strengthen my faith and trust. What I'm not sure of is whether I can do it. I know you're thinking or saying "we can't, that's why we need God". I know that already, but when He feels light years away and you're sitting in the dark with only cold silence and tears, you are pretty unsure of yourself and everything around you. Nobody panic (cough Derek cough). I just feel so lost. So angry. So sad. So much in pain. So alone. Just so.

I'm trying God, I promise I am. I need you now. I need to feel you. Pierce the darkness with your light, I beg you Lord. Let me bask in Your light and Your warmth. Let me know in my heart what I know in my head. I love you Lord. Amen.