My Doctor's Appointment and My Meltdown

I had my doctor's appointment and as of right now I have no news to report. They referred me to a specialist that I will se on Monday. I guess I do have some news, but you'll need some backstory first. So here goes...


In 2008 I went to a chiropractor for back pain. He took x-rays and diagnosed me with Scoliosis. For those of you who don't know what Scoliosis is it is when your spine is curved and usually rotated as well. Shortly after that Derek was diagnosed with cancer and we had to start the whole treatment process. I just dealt with the back pain because frankly there were more pressing matters. It's been since this year started that I noticed the back pain start to worsen. 


The pain gets to the point where I can't move. My ribs hurt so bad it's hard to breathe and people can't touch me. Sometimes I sit in tears while the pain takes over. I just got insurance so we knew it was time to find out what was going on. 


All this time we thought it was the scoliosis that was causing my back pain. At the doctor's office they took x-rays and he told me my scoliosis was mild and shouldn't be causing me pain. I was speechless at first. How could the last doctor I saw make it sound like I had 2 big curves and a rotated spine?!? I got frustrated and I felt so defeated. I'm back to square one now. 


I'll try and explain this and I hope you get it. I've been to the doctor before for issues where they've told me after I've had tons of tests that they can't find anything wrong. I end up leaving frustrated and feeling like perhaps I have some mental condition that makes me feel like I have medical problems when perhaps I don't. I'm so scared that is going to happen. You want a diagnosis to verify that you aren't exaggerating or faking it. You want someone (who is a doctor) to believe you. That's where I am now. After the doctor left the room I just broke down, I started sobbing. Good thing Derek was there (who is so amazing), I wouldn't have gotten through today without him. I quelled the tears until we got to the car and then I really let loose. I cried all the frustration, pain, weakness, fatigue, and sadness out. 


The good thing that came out of this appointment was the anti-inflammatory he prescribed. I took it and was able to catch up on sleep I've been missing the last couple of weeks. I'm feeling pretty good right now, better than I have in a month I would say. So now I'm waiting and praying for Monday. Praying they can give me a diagnosis, but that it's not a serious one. Praying I can mentally, emotionally, and spiritually stand up under the crushing weight I feel. 


So there it is for you. 



"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10