I Have No Idea

Usually when I "blog" I have the entire thing written out in my head. I know exactly which words are going to be typed and how the entire thing will sound. Right now? I have no freaking clue. I'm emotional, in pain, and feeling very musish.

It's been a rough day. I was in a lot of pain. I got a call from another doctor that my blood work came back normal. This is a good thing, but at the same time doesn't explain the severe pain I'm dealing with daily. I can't get any help. No doctors will help. I get so angry. Isn't that their job? To take care of patients, comfort them, and find answers. Apparently not. I feel like I'm at a dead end. Nowhere to go and no answers. I know this sounds completely dramatic, but that's me. Maybe God doesn't want me to go to doctors. I'm at a loss.

One thing I do know is that He has all of the answers. He is my Healer. He is my Father. He is my Comforter. I can lean, cry, and rage and all the while He holds his big arms out and holds me in the greatest  hug ever in existence. I love that complete surrounding He does.

I often think of Paul and the thorn in His side. I don't want this pain to control my life and so far it has. I can beat this. I can live a full life despite the pain. If I never get any answers I need to be content with what God has blessed me with. I'm gonna try and push through the pain and walk or maybe even run (GASP!).

Oh how I miss running. It was the greatest escape I've ever known. Just my music, running shoes, and God. The greatest thing ever.

Thanks for listening to all my dramatic ramblings. It felt good to write again. I'll post in the next couple of days about my amazing thing coming up. I can't wait!

Good night.