Journal Entry #1

May 10, 2009

When darkness falls, the sadness erupts. The grief begins to destroy what's left. I'm drowning in a sea of my tears. When I called out you saved me. I clung to the cross and drifted to shore. That's where you waited for me. I stand before you feeling ugly and unworthy. You hold out your hands assuring me. Your scars are visible for all to see. A type of tattoo branding you the Savior. The Savior who loved all, gave all, and is all. Who was and is, and is to come. We walk down the beach in silence. No need for words. Just your presence is a comfort to my weary soul. I feel the words whisper across my heart. Words just for me. 

Contest Results

Remember that contest I entered? No? Ok, I guess I'll tell you. I entered a modeling contest for an online clothing website called Modocat.com. I ended up coming in second. I was pretty disappointed, but then God being God blessed me. I get to go to Los Angeles for a photo shoot because I was so close to the girl who came in 1st. It's really exciting because a photo shoot like the one they are offering me is normally really expensive. They will have professional wardrobe stylists and make-up artists. The photographer has done some great work as well. This shoot could also open some doors for me in the modeling world, well God willing anyway. I'll probably be going to LA in June sometime. I'll post pictures from the shoot when I get them. So that's the news on the contest because I know you were all so desperate to know.

How Can We Ever Repay?

I'm going to talk about an issue that I feel very passionate about. Our Veterans.

Do you think twice before you open your Bible? Or how about hopping on the Internet and watching a movie or t.v. show? Do you think twice when you go to the grocery store and load your cart up with goodies and nutritious food (hopefully, right?)? Women, do you ever think that you might have to walk behind your husband or father? Or not being able to vote or speak your mind or having meaningful, fulfilling jobs? I bet the answer to each of these questions is no. I know that is my answer. I don't think twice about any of these issues.

The sad thing is that there are people all over the world can't and don't enjoy the freedoms we take for granted here in the United States. That doesn't make us bad people, if you asked a random U.S. citizen if they are thankful for the freedoms we enjoy they would probably say yes.

What I want to address is how we retain the freedoms we enjoy so much. We get to live our lives without the added burden of having to hide our faith, desires, thoughts, and feelings. We women get to walk next to men, we get to speak our minds, hold political offices, and we have control over our own bodies. All of this is possible because there are men and women willing to fight for us. They make the decision to leave their friends, families, and the comforts of home to fight an enemy they have never met.

War is ugly. War kills. War is essential. Our men and women come home with injuries that are both obvious and invisible. They come home having witnessed horrors we can only imagine. These people are under appreciated and unnoticed much of the time. There is also a group of people that goes even more unnoticed than our veterans. And that is their caregivers/spouses. That brings me to the point of this post.

I have a very good friend whom I adore. She's a wonderful woman of God who loves her family and was given a new job to add to the many she already occupies as a wife and mother. That job is caregiver. Her husband was injured in 2006 by an IED blast. Sara takes complete care of Coban, while also being a mother to two little ones. She was nominated for the Hero at Home contest and became a finalist (So awesome!).

Now she needs your help. If she wins, she is honored at a gala in Washington D.C. and receives a $1,500 American Express card. In order to help, please view the short video below and press "LIKE" (the thumbs up button). If you would like please share on either your blog or Facebook page or another media you partake in. Lets show our appreciation for our Veterans, their caregivers, and families and vote for Sara. Thank you so much everyone!

Sara's Nomination Video

On A Quest For Information

If you're a regular reader or a close friend than you know of my struggle with chronic pain. So far I haven't gotten any answers and have stopped going to doctors. I have some medicine that helps a little. The problem though is not only am I experiencing a lot of pain, but I have almost no energy. I am now reaching out to find possible solutions.

My request, dear friends and readers, is this: Do you know of any remedies for chronic pain and exhaustion? Do you know of anyone that is in a similar situation and has found something works for them?

I appreciate you guys taking the time to help. God bless!

Bringing In Brilliance

Do you have people that enter your life and bring with them light, warmth, and brilliance? People who for no matter how brief a time light up your life like the sky on the 4th of July, it makes you stand back in wonder and with complete gratitude that you got to witness the beauty of who they are and what they brought to your life. I've experienced this a little in my life and I'm blessed that I live with four of them. The one I want to talk about though is my husband, Derek.

Derek is one of the most amazing people I know. He's been through so much and he's never quit. He's a loving father and husband. This man I'm blessed to call my husband gives and gives and gives. It's so cliche (but true) that not only does he make me want to be a better person, but he does make me a better person. He supports my dreams that a lot of people call crazy, he tolerates my innate craziness (trust me there is a lot of it), and he takes amazing care of me.

Having someone like Derek in my life is a humbling experience. The intensity with which Derek loves me is so honoring and undeserving. But that's the point of God isn't it? He blesses us with people in our lives that we don't and can never deserve. We didn't deserve Jesus or what He did for us, but yet He came here anyway and freely gave Himself. He did all of it because he loves us. A love so intense and perfect that it makes us better people. It brings us through unspeakable pain and soothes wounds we think will never heal.

That's how the love of these people God brings into our life is. No matter how brief (but hopefully not), their love has a startling, amazing affect on us. It lights us up and changes the darkness to bright brilliant colors. Obviously their love can't bring us actual salvation, but it can save us from ourselves. Make sure you surround yourself with people who bring nothing but goodness and love into your life and when you look at them make sure to thank God. Because He's the One that sent them to you.