You May Have Noticed...

You may have noticed that I changed the title of my blog and if you didn't I will tell you why.

As I sit here and write I feel broken. I started reading a book called Beautiful In God's Eyes by Elizabeth George. This book is all about the Proverbs 31 woman. The perfect woman. I feel broken because as I started reading I realized I am not that woman. I don't even come close. Then questions arise like "Is my husband happy?" "Are my children happy?" "Are they being short changed because of my lack of...character?"

I so desire to become this woman. I want to be the jewel in my husband's crown. I want my children to arise and call me blessed, but how? How would I begin to transform into this virtous woman? I know that first of all I can do nothing, God has to change me, but how I do I begin to let Him?

I was thinking this morning about those women. You know the women I'm talking about. The ones whose homes are immaculate and even though they have 4 kids their kids are immaculate and well behaved. They scrapbook and make perfect roasts.

I realize right now that I sound jealous. It's because I am! I want to be her! By her I mean the Proverbs 31 woman. I do feel broken, I am broken. Maybe that is the first step to becoming her. God has to break me and strip away those things which hinder me from doing so.

My Artist

Alexander colored this picture. Isn't it beautiful? I absolutely love it. This got me to thinking.

I wonder if this is how God sees us. Our life is like this picture. If we do things God's way we stay in the lines. When we do things our way it's like we are scribbling. We wander around not sure what to do next instead of asking God or waiting on Him. Even though we scribble through parts of our life God loves us despite it all. I imagine Him having a giant fridge and pinning our pictures up and saying to Gabriel "Isn't it beautiful? Erica tried so hard. She'll do better next time now that she has learned to come to Me." Isn't God great? I love that I serve a God so big and gracious.

Rock, Paper, Scissors, and Mondays

My 20 week ultrasound is April 25th and since this will be our last child I wanted the gender to be a surprise, but Derek didn't. We couldn't convince each other of the other's opinions so I thought the way to decide would be to play rock paper scissors, best 2 out of 3. The person that won got to decide whether we found out or not. After a couple of ties Derek won, can you believe that?! I don't know why I picked that stupid game, I always lose. Even when I was a kid Meg and I used to play to decide who did dishes and stuff like that, I always lost and ended up doing the crappy chores. Anyway, Derek said he would let me know his decision, like I don't already know what it will be. I thought I would be relieved that he won because then I could find out (I have least amount of patience of anybody-ever, but that's a different post) but I was just mad that I lost!

So the second half of this post is about Mondays. Most people hate Mondays, but I love 'em! I get to get back into a routine, spend time with my beautiful kids, and clean my house. I miss my husband, but nothing is perfect. I think Mondays signify a fresh start. It doesn't matter what I didn't get done last week, it's what I get done this week. It's wonderful! So I hope you make the most of your Monday and view it as a chance for a fresh start.

I don't have a stupid boy

Have you ever heard that Keith Urban song "Stupid Boy"? It's kinda sad. I like the song, but every time I hear it I praise God He led me to my husband, Derek. I couldn't ask for better.

When I was a teenager I used dream and think what my future husband would look like or be like. During this time my sister Sarah was getting married. I was so jealous. I wanted to be married and to a great guy like she married, but since I was still in high school I had a while to wait. So I waited and dated the stupid high school boys that didn't know what romance was, but now that I look back I didn't either. I thought it was about flowers, candy, and presents. That stuff is nice don't get me wrong. Romance to me now in this stage of my life is when my husband rubs my back before bed, does the dishes without being asked, or coming home from work to take care of the kids because I'm sick. When he tells me the house looks nice and dinner was good. These are little things that bless my heart.

The things that make our marriage are being able to pray together or talk about what we just read in our Bible that blessed us.

Sure we argue and don't always see things the same way, but that's how we grow. God matched us so perfectly and I'm glad I waited because I can't imagine life with anyone else.

It's Thursday, but not the good kind

It's Thursday. Now usually I am pretty excited for Thursday, if you are a McDreamy addict you know why. If you aren't, I'll explain. Grey's Anatomy is on Thursdays! It isn't going to be new tonight and October Road isn't on either. What do they expect me to do all night? Am I supposed to talk to my husband or play with my kids?

Well, I guess this is a lesson to me. Don't plan your nights around T.V. It just lets you down. I'm sure Derek will be happy he doesn't have to sit through the drama and emotional roller coaster that I call Thursday nights.

To the rest of you McDreamy addicts, I wish you well and hope we will get some sort of reprieve in the next few weeks with a new episode.

Realizations

Do you ever have those moments when feel like life is perfect. I had that today. Those moments will affect you in a way that is wonderful and dangerous all at the same time.

My kids are great, I serve a great God, and I have a loving, attentive husband. Then some things started to go wrong. Alexander got into stuff he knows he isn't supposed to, the DVD player broke, and the computer wouldn't cooperate. Pretty small stuff I know, but frustrating none the less.

Then I realized these things shouldn't strip the happiness away. My kids are still great, I still serve a great God, and I still have a loving, atttentive husband. That euphoria of life is perfect is dangerous because life isn't perfect, but God is and that is all that matters. He blesses us in ways that are unseen. I know I need to look for the blessings instead of looking for the baggage or things I hate. God is good and He loves me very much.