I'm socially awkward. Seriously. For those of you who have met me you're probably thinking to yourself "At least she admitted it". For those who haven't met me you're probably thinking "It can't be that bad". I'm here to tell you IT IS!
Remember growing up when you were trying to find the group you fit in with or trying to find that one thing that would put you on the map socially? Well, I never did find mine. I found a great, loud dysfunctional group of best friends that understood me (for the most part) and loved me. I never did find that thing though.
I never excelled at sports, I was average. I was never super smart, I was average. I was never super funny, I was lets-laugh-cause-that-was-stupid funny. This isn't a pity party, I promise. I have those in private not on the Internet. This is lets be realistic time. I was so jealous of my sisters growing up. They seemed (I italicize 'seemed' because they'll argue with me) like they had it going on. I envied how outgoing they were, how easy it was for them to command attention or a crowd. Gosh I sound...stupid. I'm going to trudge on however and get this out of my head.
I've always felt awkward. When I met Derek I nicknamed myself "teenage tag along". I was 18 and he was 26 and I was in complete awe of this man. Obviously it has a good ending, but the agonizing months of feeling inept were torture. Derek and I had a good laugh after I told him about "teenage tag along".
I bring all of this up because I haven't outgrown my awkward phase. I think it's supposed to go away after you hit, oh I don't know, 18! I'm 27 and alas it's there. I talk WAY too much because I get nervous. I'm the Queen of TMI. Not that I care really because I tend to be overly honest about my faults and shortcomings, but I'm pretty sure it makes people who aren't my BFF's (I don't have many of those) uncomfortable.
I think I just need to embrace my awkwardness 'cause it seems like it's gonna hang around awhile. It's either that or make myself a hermit, but I think Derek would take issue with that.
Thanks for listening. Even this post is awkward. There is no hope for me.