Perfection

If you know me or any member of my family you probably know that we are extremely competitive. We compete at everything. If we can't be the best at something we probably don't want to play and if we are bad at something we have to be the worst. Because if you are going to be bad at something you might as well be the worst which in my mind is being the best at being the worst. Do you get what I'm saying? I hope I didn't just confuse you.

The last 3 years I have really gotten into football. I love it. I'm really intense when I watch it, I scream at the t.v., and get angry when things don't go my way.

My team since I liked football has been the New England Patriots. They are always pretty good, but tonight they achieved something that no team has done since the 1972 Dolphins.

They had a perfect season. They just beat the Giants tonight. Tom Brady (their quarterback) also beat the record for touchdowns in a season. He beat Peyton Manning who plays for the Colts which is my cousin's favorite team. We bet on the game this year. Randy Moss (their receiver) also beat the record for touchdown receptions.

I love that my team is the best. Because that means I win.

I know it sounds crazy or pathetic, take your pick. But these are the things I get excited about.

Meatloaf Mishap

Sarah shared her dinner disaster story so I thought I'd share mine. It isn't as dramatic though, so you might not be as entertained.

Yesterday was a pretty good day and I was looking forward to cooking dinner, I do on most days.

I had meatloaf planned. As a kid I hated meatloaf. I know it's because most people put ketchup in their meatloaf and I absolutely can't stand ketchup. Just the smell makes me gag. I found a recipe on a pouch of onion soup mix. I just omitted the ketchup. I heated up the leftover hot German potato salad from Christmas dinner and made some green beans and we were good to go. Until I took the meatloaf from the oven and saw that it was taking a bath in a pan full of grease. It was so greasy the meat was mush. It had good flavor, but bad texture.

I hate when things go wrong that are out of your control. I couldn't control how greasy the meat was. I wanted to dinner to be nice and tasty for my family, but it wasn't. Maybe next time.

If anybody has any suggestions as to how to fix this grease problem of mine I would love to hear it.

The Wilderness

Do you ever feel like you are in the wilderness, wandering around like the Israelites with no purpose?

To be honest, Butte has been the wilderness for my family. We moved here about 2 1/2 years ago for my husband's job. Things happened and he isn't even with that job anymore. Money has been tight to say the least and I miss my family like crazy. I had never been away from them before. Before you assume this is one big pity party-keep reading.

Even with all that, moving here was the best decision Derek and I made. God led us here. Even though some people said He didn't.

My husband and I are closer than ever and he actually gets to spend time with our kids now. So back to my original point--the wilderness.

My mother gave me this fantastic verse in Hosea. Chapter 2 verse 14 "Therefore, behold, I will allure, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her." There is a superscript next to comfortably that says "comfort, literally to her heart".

Isn't that great? He allured us here, but He didn't forget about us. He speaks to my heart daily. He promised He would. Just like the Israelites I know we are in the wilderness to learn and grow. Because we all know we don't learn when things are going smoothly. I wish it were the case, but sadly it is not.

If you are in your own wilderness right now, I hope you take comfort in this verse. I know I did.

Christmas On Our Own

This was the first Christmas since Derek and I got married that it was just us...and our kids. And I loved it. I loved not having to travel and be stressed. I loved that it was OUR tree that the presents were under. And I loved not going out in the cold. This is Ashley in her Christmas dress. Brian and Danielle got it for her. It's adorable.

This is the giant Tonka truck we got Alexander. He loves it. He has turned into quite the pack rat. He puts things in the back and pushes it around the house or just sits with it. Usually he puts his sippy cup, flashlight, his guns, Mike the buffalo (which he named), and his cell phone. It's pretty funny. Asher didn't get very much. Considering he's pretty much aware of only his hands and feet I don't think he cared. This is him in his santa suit.
I made dinner which turned out o.k. Overall Christmas was awesome.

I'm sad that it's over now. I'm always plagued by depression after Christmas. I've been trying really hard this year to focus on the blessings God has given us. That has helped me tremendously. I hope you all had a blessed Christmas.

Are They Twins??

I don't really have much else to write about so I will write about a recent and kind of funny conversation I had with complete strangers.

This is the second time this question has been asked, btw. After the Santa Clause Experience I was leaving the mall with Alexander and Ashley (they were in a double stroller) when I passed by a lady who was doing the car seat thing, you know piling the blankets on and putting the cover on. Anyway, I heard her baby cry and being the curious person I am (some would say nosy) I asked her how old her baby was. The exchange went something like this:

Me: "How old is your baby?"
Her: "2 months old."
Me: "Oh, I have a 3.5 month old."
Lady next to 'Her': "You have a 3 month old?!?, are they twins (pointing to A&A)?"
Me: "No, he is 2.5 and she is 1.5"
Her: "Wow, you must be busy" and in my mind she said something like "You must be Super Mom"

I get that a lot, not the Super Mom thing, but the busy thing. I am busy and some days it is really hard. But not as hard as some people think. I wouldn't trade it for anything, in fact I love how close my kids are. I love seeing peoples' reactions when I tell them how old my kids are.

It's comical.

The Santa Clause Experience

We got our car back today, Yay! I decided to take the kids to see Santa after dinner tonight. Alexander was excited and Ashley had no idea what was going on, but she was going along for the ride.

As you can tell by this picture they had a great time. They loved Santa. I may be a horrible mother because I didn't rush over and comfort them. I just calmly told the lady to take the picture and then I comforted my kids. I was just thinking that someday we will look back on this picture and laugh.

It's all about the memories.

And The Grand Total Is?

Brian picked Derek up at work and they came and got the car and then took the car down to get a new battery. Then they come and said they are testing some things and that they would call when it was ready. They said it would be $69 for a new battery.

That isn't too bad I thought to myself.

So we are waiting and waiting and waiting for the call. But no call. So Derek calls them and guess what? Just guess.

We need a new alternator because the battery won't hold a charge. Now guess again how much a new alternator is. $350!

Now it is my belief at this point that God is teaching me to rely completely on Him. I know He knows we need a car. So I need to have faith that He is going to work it all out and provide.

I saw Him provide so much when I was a kid. I just need to remember that.

The Christie Curse Strikes Again

I'm all ready to go shopping and take the kids to get their picture taken with Santa. I also had a bunch of errands to run which is exciting because I got to get out of the house. I even put my make-up on today which is a rarity. I also curled Ashley's hair and put their cute outfits on.

Derek went and started the car (he was home for lunch) and then came in and helped me get the kids' shoes and coats on. I got Asher buckled into his car seat. We go out to the car and get everyone buckled in and the car dies. Yep, my car died!

Being the genius mechanic that I am I say to Derek "I think it's the battery" So he called his "boss" and he says the same thing. He jumped it and it started, Yay! So the new plan was to drop the kids off at Grandma Kay's and go get a new battery, then go on with the original plan.

Did you know that the Christie Curse doesn't work that way?

I'm driving and I could tell it was going to die because the ABS light is on and the windshield wipers barely work (there is a blizzard, of course). The car died again, but this time it's right in the middle of the road. Thankfully Derek was behind me and gave me another jump, it started and Derek told me to just go home. Wouldn't you know the car died right as I pulled up to our house.

So no shopping or Santa today which is really sad. Alexander started crying which almost started my tears. He was disappointed. He was looking forward to seeing Santa.

Derek has to get a battery after work. So maybe tomorrow, but who knows what The Curse will decide to affect.

Super Excited

I'm super excited because I get to go shopping today. Grocery shopping. I love it. It makes me feel wifely and motherly. Getting food for my family, things they enjoy fills me with happiness.

Derek snickers when I come home from the store because I always some type of little surprise for him. No big deal, it's usually some kind of candy or food that he likes. I guess it's my way of showing him how much I love him and that I was thinking of him.

Anyway, I get to go BIG shopping today.

When I was a kid and my Mom would go to the store me and my sisters would always ask "Are you going BIG shopping?" It was pretty exciting when she did because then we would have snacks. Not a lot, but some. I think my mom was the same way. I think she liked to get us little things from the store that she knew we liked. I remember her buying Sarah Ritz crackers. Sarah loves them, I don't know why though.

I'm buying stuff to make Christmas dinner today which I'm really excited about. I'm a little nervous though. Grandma Kay is coming and I've never really cooked for her before. I'll have to blog about Grandma Kay. You'll get a kick out of her. She is a pretty amazing woman, even though she can drive you crazy sometimes; I love her.

Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming! I'm so excited! Shopping makes it seem more real.

It's Really Out Of Control

Remember my post about getting books every once in awhile? Well, since that post I think I have read 4 books. Yes that's right 4!

Now before you get all judgemental I haven't been neglecting my kids or house. For reals. I read when they nap and in the mornings. Sometimes at night if there isn't anything on T.V. and Derek is on the computer.

I finished reading the Redemption series by Karen Kingsbury and wouldn't ya know it she has a series after that called The Firstborn series. I just finished number 4 and am dying to know what happens next.

This sounds pathetic I know, but Karen Kingsbury truly has gift. She is able to suck you in.

I get the books from Hastings and they have this wonderful system. You can bring your used books in for credit. I'm actually not paying the $13.99 it costs for each book. I took back some books and the last book only cost me $2.62. The good thing is that my addiction isn't costing me a fortune. I think I need a 12 step program. Either that or some self-control, but we all know that isn't going to happen.

I'm dying to read book 5, but I'm making myself wait. Derek probably thinks I'm insane, but in my defense he should have known that when he married me :)

My Sweet Little Girl

So this is my pretty princess after she was born. I love her with all my heart. I thought I would write about this because it's been on my heart for awhile. I've talked to my Mom about it, but that's about it. I thought maybe if I got it out I could sort through it better.

I will start from the very beginning.

Ashley was born 5 weeks early. Her lungs were premature so she spent a week in the hospital. I didn't get to hold her until she was a day old. I'd go to see her a couple times a day once I was released. I would have spent every waking moment there, but I had Alexander to reassure and to speak truthfully it was absolutely exhausting sitting there watching my little girl breath from tubes in her nose knowing she spent her nights alone and maybe scared.

Once I brought her home things were hard. I was adjusting to having an 11 month old and a newborn. I was to say the least exhausted. Ashley never really wanted to be held. She wanted to eat and be laid down. She didn't need me. That was a hard thought to process.

It was so different with Alexander. I bonded with him right away and he always needed me. Alexander and I had had such a strong connection. I didn't have that with Ashley, I constantly felt like I was playing favorites. I also felt like maybe I didn't love her. I now know they were lies from the enemy. I believed them though and Satan got a foothold in our family. It was awful. I've never been in a darker place in my life.

We came out of it though. I got where I needed to be with the Lord and He reassured me.

Ashley needs me, I can see that now. He helped me to see that.

She is better with affection. She'll actually sit on your lap for a couple minutes at a time. The Lord has brought me so far. The feelings of inadequacy as a mother only come every now and then instead of all the time.

If you have ever had a similar experience I would love to hear it. I hope this made sense and conveyed what I wanted it to. God was faithful and answered my prayers.

The Footprints in the Sand poem is right on. Even in those times when you feel your loneliest and see that there are one set of footprints or one set of tears staining your pillow. Take heart! He is carrying you and is crying right along side you.

Christmas Traditions and What Not

Since Sarah talked about her traditions I thought I'd talk about mine.

Our first Christmas together Derek and I had been married for about a month. Like Sarah I had these really strong traditions instilled in me. Derek's family didn't have any. So we blended the two and did what my family does (Derek was ok with it)

One tradition I wanted to start was to get a new ornament every year for eachother and eventually our kids. Well my aunt Terie gave us this small Christmas tree that we put on top of our end table and we had exactly 4 ornaments on it. Our first Christmas ornament, a nativity scene ornament that Joann got us(a friend of Grandma Kay), a Hello Kitty ornament that Derek got me, and a bag of little medallion ornaments that have love sayings on them that I got Derek.

Derek wanted to go to Butte our first Christmas. Seeing as how I barely knew his family I agreed. It was one of the toughest things ever. Back then I was scared to death of Grandma Kay and I missed "home". It was the first time in my life that I didn't get up at the crack of dawn on Christmas and the first time I didn't open any presents. I was pretty depressed, but it wasn't until years later that I realized home is where my husband and I are.

This year I am starting a new tradition. I am going to bake a birthday cake with my kids and then we are going to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I am really excited. I also get to make Christmas dinner. This is going to be the best Christmas yet.

Jesus is the reason for the season!

Christmas Questionnaire

I am gonna fill out Sarah's questionnaire.

Christmas Questionnaire
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper!
2. Real tree or Artificial? Fake. I get really stressed out about there being a fire because of the tree.
3. When do you put up the tree? Weekend after Thanksgiving.
4. When do you take the tree down? Day after New Years.
5. Do you like eggnog? Not too much.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? The stereo I received. It had a CD player and everything :)
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, Derek and I got it in Israel. It's made of real olive wood.
8. Hardest person to buy for? My Uncle Lee or Terie.
9. Easiest person to buy for? Definetly Meg.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? None. :(
11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I can't think of one.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Charlie Brown
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When I have money.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Peanut clusters and these oatmeal things that are wonderful
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored, always colored.
17. Favorite Christmas song? O Little Town of Bethlehem and Jingle Bells
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? This year we are staying home, Yay!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes, see below
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? All on Christmas Day
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? People seem to get grumpier instead of happier
23. What do you want for Christmas this year? I would love a video camera
24. Favorite ornament theme or color? Not sure
25. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I'm making a roast this year

I decided to look up the names of Santa's eight reindeer to see if it really is "Donder" Here is what I found:
Two of the reindeer names, Donner/Donder and Blitzen, are often the source of confusion, misspelling, and misinformation. The short facts are these: Donner/Donder and Blitzen were named ''Dunder'' and ''Blixem'' (the Dutch words for ''thunder'' and ''lightning'') in the original printing of "A Visit From St. Nicholas." In reprints of the poem, the names became ''Donder'' and ''Blixen,'' then ''Donder'' and ''Blitzen'' (the latter being German for ''lightning''). By the time Johnny Marks wrote "Rudolph," it was ''Donner'' and ''Blitzen'' (possibly because ''Donder'' was musically awkward). See Snopes.com for a thorough discussion.

M.F.M.B.

Yes, I know I've been Missing From My Blog. I've been pretty sick actually. That kind of sick that makes you think death and heaven are waaay better than laying in bed horribly sick.

Nothing too exciting has happend since I went AWOL. I still haven't opened my Christmas presents (aren't you proud?)

One very exciting thing is that I got a book! I love books! I should read for a living. I'd be pretty good at it too since I can read a book in one to two days. I have to be careful though. I tend to neglect and tune out the things around me when I read. That's why getting a book is a special treat I only allow myself every once in a while.

If I got books all the time my children would be running around in their diapers with dirt smudges all over them. I might just throw food at them like they are dogs to keep them quiet. Ok not really, but you get the point.

Cheerio Casserole and Presents

My wonderful sister sent me a package today. In it were presents and one of my favorite things in the world-Cheerio Casserole! I got tears in my eyes, it was like getting a piece of home in the mail. Now I have to show restraint and leave the presents alone.

My sister and I haven't always been close, but the last couple of years God has been restoring our relationship. I don't get to talk to her as often as I'd like. I also don't get to tell her how much I love her as often as I'd like.

Thank you Sarah. You touched my heart today.

Somebody Farted On My Pillow

That's right. I've got pink eye. Now for those who have seen Knocked Up(wouldn't recommend it) you get the title.

I developed pink eye last Thursday. Now I look like Igor. I went grocery shopping and people were staring at me more than usual. I'm now worried that my kids are going to get it and we are going to be this big pink eye family. I have drops I need to put in my eye every 6 hours. I'm constantly having to put hand sanitizer on and my eye itches like crazy. Ever time I put drops in I'm reminded of the Friends episode when Rachel has to put drops in, but she is freaked out by the idea of touching her eye.

This post is pretty much a bunch of random thoughts and ideas, but the main point was and is the fact that I have pink eye.

God Is Good and My Sweet Baby Boy

I haven't written in a long time, but in my defense I've been a little busy. Busy having a baby and not getting any sleep.

I have to say God is good because of how He has blessed me these last couple of months.

First, my little Asher was only two weeks early instead of 4 or 5. He had a perfect apgar score which I was happy with because it meant he was healthy.

Second, there were no problems breastfeeding. He latched on perfectly although painfully and his weight gain has been amazing (2 lbs. in a month).

Thirdly, Alexander and Ashley haven't gotten jealous and have been wonderful with him.

And fourthly(it could be a word), Asher just started sleeping through the night.

You read in the bible how faithful God is and how He loves to bless His people and then we are actually surprised when he answers our prayers.

I prayed constantly that Asher would be healthy and that breastfeeding would go o.k. but I was actually surprised when it all happened. I had been keeping God in this little box expecting Him not to meet my expectations when He surpassed them!

It has taught me not to underestimate God. I bet it's insulting to Him and totally ridiculous on my part. To think that the God who created the heavens and the Earth couldn't or wouldn't do what I prayed. Well God IS Good!

You May Have Noticed...

You may have noticed that I changed the title of my blog and if you didn't I will tell you why.

As I sit here and write I feel broken. I started reading a book called Beautiful In God's Eyes by Elizabeth George. This book is all about the Proverbs 31 woman. The perfect woman. I feel broken because as I started reading I realized I am not that woman. I don't even come close. Then questions arise like "Is my husband happy?" "Are my children happy?" "Are they being short changed because of my lack of...character?"

I so desire to become this woman. I want to be the jewel in my husband's crown. I want my children to arise and call me blessed, but how? How would I begin to transform into this virtous woman? I know that first of all I can do nothing, God has to change me, but how I do I begin to let Him?

I was thinking this morning about those women. You know the women I'm talking about. The ones whose homes are immaculate and even though they have 4 kids their kids are immaculate and well behaved. They scrapbook and make perfect roasts.

I realize right now that I sound jealous. It's because I am! I want to be her! By her I mean the Proverbs 31 woman. I do feel broken, I am broken. Maybe that is the first step to becoming her. God has to break me and strip away those things which hinder me from doing so.

My Artist

Alexander colored this picture. Isn't it beautiful? I absolutely love it. This got me to thinking.

I wonder if this is how God sees us. Our life is like this picture. If we do things God's way we stay in the lines. When we do things our way it's like we are scribbling. We wander around not sure what to do next instead of asking God or waiting on Him. Even though we scribble through parts of our life God loves us despite it all. I imagine Him having a giant fridge and pinning our pictures up and saying to Gabriel "Isn't it beautiful? Erica tried so hard. She'll do better next time now that she has learned to come to Me." Isn't God great? I love that I serve a God so big and gracious.

Rock, Paper, Scissors, and Mondays

My 20 week ultrasound is April 25th and since this will be our last child I wanted the gender to be a surprise, but Derek didn't. We couldn't convince each other of the other's opinions so I thought the way to decide would be to play rock paper scissors, best 2 out of 3. The person that won got to decide whether we found out or not. After a couple of ties Derek won, can you believe that?! I don't know why I picked that stupid game, I always lose. Even when I was a kid Meg and I used to play to decide who did dishes and stuff like that, I always lost and ended up doing the crappy chores. Anyway, Derek said he would let me know his decision, like I don't already know what it will be. I thought I would be relieved that he won because then I could find out (I have least amount of patience of anybody-ever, but that's a different post) but I was just mad that I lost!

So the second half of this post is about Mondays. Most people hate Mondays, but I love 'em! I get to get back into a routine, spend time with my beautiful kids, and clean my house. I miss my husband, but nothing is perfect. I think Mondays signify a fresh start. It doesn't matter what I didn't get done last week, it's what I get done this week. It's wonderful! So I hope you make the most of your Monday and view it as a chance for a fresh start.

I don't have a stupid boy

Have you ever heard that Keith Urban song "Stupid Boy"? It's kinda sad. I like the song, but every time I hear it I praise God He led me to my husband, Derek. I couldn't ask for better.

When I was a teenager I used dream and think what my future husband would look like or be like. During this time my sister Sarah was getting married. I was so jealous. I wanted to be married and to a great guy like she married, but since I was still in high school I had a while to wait. So I waited and dated the stupid high school boys that didn't know what romance was, but now that I look back I didn't either. I thought it was about flowers, candy, and presents. That stuff is nice don't get me wrong. Romance to me now in this stage of my life is when my husband rubs my back before bed, does the dishes without being asked, or coming home from work to take care of the kids because I'm sick. When he tells me the house looks nice and dinner was good. These are little things that bless my heart.

The things that make our marriage are being able to pray together or talk about what we just read in our Bible that blessed us.

Sure we argue and don't always see things the same way, but that's how we grow. God matched us so perfectly and I'm glad I waited because I can't imagine life with anyone else.

It's Thursday, but not the good kind

It's Thursday. Now usually I am pretty excited for Thursday, if you are a McDreamy addict you know why. If you aren't, I'll explain. Grey's Anatomy is on Thursdays! It isn't going to be new tonight and October Road isn't on either. What do they expect me to do all night? Am I supposed to talk to my husband or play with my kids?

Well, I guess this is a lesson to me. Don't plan your nights around T.V. It just lets you down. I'm sure Derek will be happy he doesn't have to sit through the drama and emotional roller coaster that I call Thursday nights.

To the rest of you McDreamy addicts, I wish you well and hope we will get some sort of reprieve in the next few weeks with a new episode.

Realizations

Do you ever have those moments when feel like life is perfect. I had that today. Those moments will affect you in a way that is wonderful and dangerous all at the same time.

My kids are great, I serve a great God, and I have a loving, attentive husband. Then some things started to go wrong. Alexander got into stuff he knows he isn't supposed to, the DVD player broke, and the computer wouldn't cooperate. Pretty small stuff I know, but frustrating none the less.

Then I realized these things shouldn't strip the happiness away. My kids are still great, I still serve a great God, and I still have a loving, atttentive husband. That euphoria of life is perfect is dangerous because life isn't perfect, but God is and that is all that matters. He blesses us in ways that are unseen. I know I need to look for the blessings instead of looking for the baggage or things I hate. God is good and He loves me very much.